The Business of Friendships

 

How often have you heard this statement “I’m not here to make friends?”

The sad truth is that more often than not, it’s coming from someone who either never had, or just lost the support of their colleagues. Whatever the case, those words are rarely, if ever, uttered by truly successful and productive managers and team members.

Interestingly, an obscure would-be philosopher said; “friendships are like back pockets to a dog.” The suggestion that friendships are unnecessary as a philosophical idea runs counter to the position advanced by a well-known and regarded philosopher – Aristotle.

Aristotle saw friendships as central to a good life, and for the purpose of this article, good businesses.

He believed that no one would choose to be without friends. In fact, Aristotle said that the best work done and deserving of the highest praise is done to one’s friends. This is so arguably because friendships give us the opportunity to do good, stimulating and noble work to comfort, help and support our friends.

Aristotle made three distinctions as to the types of friendships that exist. These are; pleasant, useful and good friends.

Pleasant and useful friendships are ‘imperfect’ and not lasting, as the pleasure and utility are likely to pass as either the person or their circumstances change. The good friend, on the other hand, recognizes the good character in each other, and that allows the friendship to be lasting. Most importantly, while the good friends gain pleasure and utility from their friendship, the friendship is for its own sake due to the virtue of their good character. Such complete and ‘perfect’ friendships are rare.

Aristotle, however, made the argument that the worst type of friendship is the useful friend, as this friendship was purely incidental and not bound in the person themselves. This, unfortunately, is the type of inter-personal culture that far too many businesses seem to cultivate. This culture is often demonstrated in the power dynamics and the atmosphere that is created within organizations. These purely transactional and utilitarian friendships at work tend to align only to a singular bottom-line while leaving the team members objectified and disengaged.

Conversely, while ‘imperfect,’ Aristotle believed that pleasure friendships are worthy, as they acknowledge the person and the intrinsic value in them. This recognition of the person and desire to be friendly towards them for the pleasure it provides creates a significantly positive working environment. Interestingly, as businesses become more complex and geographically defused, personal competencies related to making and maintaining friendships are becoming even more critical for managers. This ability to create reciprocal friendships with team members in a way that respects them as individuals can be the difference in millions of dollars. It could mean either spending more to recruit or earning more due to your high performing teams.

Remember, staff typically either resign from their managers or give them all they have plus a bit more. The difference between the outcomes is the type of friendships that are fostered.

Going Back

We always seem to romanticize the past. Even the past that has horrible things in it, we somehow try to isolate a “good part” and hold on to it.

Some people argue that this is because we are less sure about the future and believe that the best moments have passed.

However, I’ve come to realize that there is a hedonistic pleasure in memory.

Most people think of hedonism as the school of thought which seeks immediate physical pleasure as the means to a good life. This philosophical perspective was developed by Aristippus, who believed that the past and/or the future was not real and as such, we only have the present to shape or create happiness.

However, an earlier theoretic perspective of hedonism was developed by Epicurus. He believed that reflection on the past played an important role in creating happiness. Interestingly, his ultimate version of a good life came not from physical pleasure but from peaceful mental reflection and the acquisition of knowledge.

Using this hedonistic perspective, we can ask ourselves a strange question; what pleasure do I get from holding on to those memories?

We listen to love songs that make us sad, we stew about failed relationships whether as lovers or as friends. But most interestingly we keep going further back! Whenever something breaks in the current, we consciously or unconsciously look backwards.

Psychotherapists will say that this is because there is something in our past that needs to be resolved. Yet, in spite of both our natural tendency to dabble in a bit of hedonism by reflecting on the past, we have been socialized to see this as strength; “the past is the past, move on.” But the more we try to avoid looking in the past is the more we are trapped by it.

There are many quotes about the importance of learning from the past, but to learn from something it must be critically reviewed and analyzed. However, most of us fear to do this with our own minds and lives.

I believe that the acquisition of knowledge by itself, and for itself does not lead to a good life or happiness. It is how we allow this knowledge to shape and transform our minds and our actions that lead to a good life. There is no greater knowledge to be gained than to truly understand the mysteries of our hearts and minds.

This hedonistic trip of going back, for the purpose of acquiring knowledge to gain mastery over ourselves is an indulgence that we should all take often. It’s 0 calories, 0 fat, 0 sugar and 100% natural and best of all – its free!

Google Map vs. Your Map

Google as a business and its technology is amazing. I am always fascinated with its real-time updates on Google maps. That is until I get lost! Then I get annoyed and retreat into my own map. My own thinking and judgement. More often than not, my map gets the job done. In spite of that, I will still use Google maps until it fails me because I trust it will get me there 99% of the time.

The journey of life is no different.

Our own maps will help us finish the journey, but they tend to not be as accurate over the breadth of the trip. This is because we only come into our own and begin trusting ourselves when we arrive at locations that we remember, but we are completely at sea when the surroundings are unfamiliar.

Contemporary wisdom purports that we should trust ourselves and our instincts. But our instincts are developed primarily on our existing knowledge. Therefore, while it may sound right and humanistic to trust ourselves, it might just be really bad advice.

Google maps is a third-party application designed for helping you navigate your world. What’s the equivalent that you use to help you navigate life?

Some people use religion and other belief traditions to give turn by turn directions for the parts of the journey that they are unfamiliar with. This is analogous to using Google maps, Waze or any other directional tool. However, the choice of tool is less material than the recognition that there is a need for this tool.

Far too many people stay lost on the roads and in life because they refuse to acknowledge that they don’t know this area. They see it as a weakness to even as much as ask for directions. Those people waste fuel, energy and time worst of all. Additionally, their travel companions either actively or tacitly support the continuation of being lost by not helping to change the reality.

Interestingly, humility is the elemental force that prevents us from being lost.

It’s humility that tells you to open Google maps to chart the course and its humility that when lost, will inspire you to tap into that third-party application to get the guidance, support and direction that gets us back into familiar surroundings.

Humility, a highly under-rated trait, but it often the difference between getting lost and reaching home.

 

Marketing: Necessity vs. Efficiency

Marketing and Human Resource (HR) are two specializations that seem to receive the least critical acclaim in organizations, at least until everything goes wrong. When everything is smooth, everyone knows that the colour should have been blue rather than green and that anyone could conduct those hiring interviews. It may be just how easy it is to have conversations about these matters rather than engaging around whether the correct depreciation principle or P-E ratios are being applied. This ‘talkability’ in marketing and HR has been a source of frustration for professionals in the fields, but it reveals an interesting ideological gap.

 

Marketing is not a functional area. Marketing is the process of creating value for the customers and the business ultimately. This is manifest in so much more than sale numbers. It is shown by being able to attract the best talent and being able to command intense employee and consumer loyalty.

 

C-Suite executives make a strategic mistake in subscribing to the philosophy of ‘let’s cut marketing to save money.’ That in effect is believing that you should unplug the respiratory to save electricity. Even worst, some executives believe that because their customers are not the consumers, they do not need to engage in consumer marketing activities. Yet, these same executives will insist, without knowing why that procurement gets computers with Intel processors. (dated analogy but you get the point). 

 

Marketing is what the business does, how it does it, and, if done well, the source of profitability.

 

If all of this is true, why aren’t more businesses focusing more on marketing?

 

The answers are wide and varied. But my perspective is ‘necessity.’ There is this misconception that businesses only do what is necessary, while in fact, businesses that are keen on productivity and profitability function based on efficiency. The necessity doctrine says ‘if I don’t have to spend money differentiating and positioning my brand to make some sales, then I won’t.” Efficiency, however, would challenge that thinking as it is always seeking how to make the brand and the business better. Thus, motivating executives to want to penetrate markets all the way through to possibly diversifying of the brand. 

 

But these benefits can never be achieved by disciples of the philosophy of just doing what is ‘necessary.’ Instead, the net effect of their philosophy will keep their businesses small, undefined and without a customer-driven strategy, thus relatively unprofitable.

 

So next time you think of, or hear a suggestion to, ‘just cut marketing spend’, realize that it’s the business’ relative profitability and customer relations that are being cut.

Love your shell!

We often talk and think about self-hate as this unusual experience of the ‘other’ because we love ourselves. Yet, data suggest that most self-talk is negative.

This does not mean that we all have low self-esteem. In fact, most people are unaware of the internal dialogues, which prevents them from being able to contribute sufficiently to these conversations.

Having said that, I challenge you to begin actively take note of the internal conversations. But what does it mean to love your shell?

Everyone may have a different skew on this, but I believe the secret to this is the belief that you are enough and worthy of all you desire.

This view at its core is predicated on an internal value system. In this system, it recognizes that there will be things that you need to work on to improve yourself, but it rejects the idea that you in your current state are not worthy as is.

Let’s be clear, growth and improvement are fundamental elements of life itself. Anyone not willing to improve day by day, year over year is doing themselves a disservice. So the question to ask yourself is whether your improvements are desired to make you worthy, or simply to enhance yourself!

This I believe is the key to being comfortable in your own shell.

Whether it is an intimate, social or work relationship, the desires and influences of other people will filter into us. This is not necessarily a bad thing. These experiences help us better understand life, opportunities and even ourselves. It also helps us to see where improvements in ourselves are possible. This is a good thing. It becomes bad when we believe that we become worthy of those relationships only after making those improvements.

Loving ourselves is not always placed on our to-do lists. But this is one job that cannot to automated, outsourced or made obsolete – at least if you desire to have a happy life.

The heart of opportunities

Recently I walked into a supermarket in Pickering, Canada and saw an item that shocked me. It was for $3.73.

The price was a part of the shock, along with the fact that the item was being sold.

The item was a Banana Flower. Where I’m from we call it Banana Heart.

I couldn’t believe that there was a market for this, and I didn’t even know it could be eaten.

Yes, different cultures, customs and food, but I stood there thinking about how many Banana Flowers I had squandered over the years – I could have made a fortune collecting and exporting it I thought – I lived close to a banana plantation for several years.

When I came back from my millionaire daydream, I started to wonder, what’s in the Banana Flower to eat?

Apparently, there are a lot of recipes, but if you want to try vegan there is a step by step guide to preparing your own banana flower meal.

There are even health benefits associated with the Banana Flower.

My observation on this matter is that we should not be so quick to throw things or our ideas away, because there are blossoming markets for the most unlikely things all around the world.

If nothing changes, nothing changes

“If nothing changes, nothing changes.” – Courtney C. Stevens

These words have been so profound in my life that I used them as a part of my sign off message for a talk show I used to host.

The words are truistic and simple but carry with them significant weight.

We often want different results but are understandably afraid or unwilling to actually change either ourselves or the circumstances we find ourselves in.

The known is very comfortable!

What we need to remember is that before, the current reality was the new, uncertain and scary thing that we have now gotten comfortable with. If we keep that in mind it will remind us of one significant truth. That we are still the same. That we have the strength and capacity to tame the new to become our new comfortable.

If the change needed is you, then the words still apply. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Changing ourselves might be the hardest and most fulfilling thing we could undertake. This is because it requires both self-awareness and humility. Psychologists suggest that personalities stabilize between ages 30-50. This means that we are wired to evolve, to grow, to change, to improve. Therefore be proud of your journey of self-discovery and change.

Unfortunately, we sometimes forget ourselves and the reservoir of strength that

we have which allows us to change proactively. If that happens to be you currently, I happily lend you these borrowed words; if nothing changes, nothing changes.

May they help motivate the change you need in your life today.

Sunshine & rainbow

 

Ad It Up!

Smarter Ads Win!

Advertising to many people is that piece of content that interrupts their favourite song, or that welcomed break so that you can take a breath during How To Get Away With Murder, and for others, it’s just a perfect time to use the washroom. Increasingly, though, whether in traditional or new media, the ads will find you!

Now, I am a big fan of ads. It’s weird right?! But I think of ads as social markers. Whenever I travel, I like taking in local ads. They offer me a meaningful snapshot of the country, their value systems, ideas around power, gender dynamics and so much more. 15 or 30 seconds to communicate an idea or the choice of a picture in a print ad, tells an equal story about the creator as it does about the intended audience for this social marker.

Increasingly, brands have been caught in a backlash over ads that are being found to be offensive. Heineken is the latest brand to be caught up in this wave of sensitivities. The new Heineken Ad has been labelled as racist and the company has pulled the ad.

Advertising like any art is open to interpretations, and as such, we bring ourselves to the process to find meaning in what is being attempted in the communication. A self-serving critic would suggest that if anyone sees racism in an ad, it is because that person is racist. For that person, I would borrow a phrase and say, reasoning should be made of sterner stuff. One’s ability to identify a theme is a product of the lens or multiple lenses that the person is able to use because of the breadth of their experience and understanding.

In conducting my non-scientific research on the controversial Heineken ad, most persons did not see the racist undertone to the ad on the 1^st pass. When it was pointed out, persons were able to identify the thematic occurrences where the interaction or non-interaction could be deemed as racist. However, the unprompted consensus was that the ad was sub-par and especially basic coming from Heineken.

There are three major learnings that companies and advertiser should take from the recent ad controversies from Dove, H&M and now Heineken.

1. Surface level diversity and inclusion is not good enough. Simply having a black person in your ads is not sufficient. Failing to consider the direct and sub-textual message around how that black person is portrayed or interacted with, in the creative output, is a failure to exercise insight. Primarily, because the majority of the communication in ads are contextual, subtle and communicates on a level that is ‘known’ and ‘understood’ by the society at large. So, a white child in a hoodie with “Monkey” emblazoned on it would not illicit social outrage. Then the question has to be asked, why was that choice not made? Similarly, if Dove’s creative vision was just about “beauty” and that the product works on all skins, is it imaginable that the white model would lift her top and become a black woman, with the net effect of using the product leaving the user looking like Lola Ogunyemi (model in the Dove commercial)? No, not likely, and that’s the core of the issue. Without deeper level diversity and inclusions, the standard accepted values of beauty and other ‘framings’ will remain the standard, many of which had their antecedents in racist ideas, thus, marring the creative output with racism.

 

2. Naivety is no defence. Whether Heineken intended to draw a straight line to lighten up on the calories or lighten up in such a way that the bottle magically bypasses all the black people, the creative product communicated an idea or a value which was thematic, therefore intentional. I believe these brands are beginning to realize that oops we didn’t realize, is not a useful strategy.

 

3. Low creativity will be punished. The ads that have caused problems for these major brands have all been poor quality ads lacking creativity. The ideas the ads attempt to communicate are pedestrian. Therefore, a deeper content and communication strategy would have likely resulted in better ads being produced. As my non-scientific Heineken research group said, “Heineken ads are supposed to be better than this.”

The frequency with which these ad scandals occur is troubling on one level because it reinforces the gaps in society. But on another level, it is heartening, because more people are seeing and speaking out whenever these thematic ‘mark missings’ take place. So, to Heineken’s “sometimes lighter is better”, I say, smarter is always better.

Colour & Appetite

It was the dead of winter, my first winter in fact and outside is gray and cold. I return home and I saw this beautiful basket of tropical fruits.

Warm colour fruits

My appetite for that warm golden sun tripled. But I also felt so hungry!

It’s interesting that many studies have been done on how scents and colours impact our appetites.

Go figure, yellow makes you happy and so you end up eating.

Do you find that certain colours open up your appetite?

The Ride

Deciding to go on that rollercoaster seemed like a lot of fun when you were talking and laughing about it with your friends. But you are now strapped in, that clanging sound, the cart is in reverse and you are now leaning almost vertically, looking over the entire park and you begin to ask yourself; why the hell did I get on this ride? Is it too late to get off? And then “bow!” the brakes are released, the cart darts through the platform and twists and turns along the rollercoaster line, you tell yourself, “breathe man, breathe,” and just like that the ride stops. You catch your breath for a second, and then the ride does it all again in reverse. Back at the platform after the ride ends and you step out, you smile, happy to still be alive and that all your food is still in your body. Your legs a little wobbly, you think to yourself, it wasn’t that bad after all.

Choosing to study abroad might seem to persons in the host country as an obvious action. But leaving all you’ve known and the comforts, as little or as significant as they may be, is a daunting task. I understood that and believed I had fully thought everything through until I was at the airport waiting to board my flight. That seemingly familiar five minutes after you’re dropped off at the airport, and you’ve had the last laughs, now you’re sitting in the departure lounge, waiting for that flight to take you into this massive unknown. Your brain starts to spiral as to all the things you are utterly unprepared for. You finally board the flight, it starts to taxi, your off!

Can I change my mind?! The thought comes close to your lips, but you know those words can’t leave the vault of your mind. After-all, you’re an hour into the flight.

From warm to freezing

You land, and that concept of a Canadian winter that you had, begins to fly away, as you touch a trolley that was brought in from outside and you realize that it’s colder than anything you’ve touched in the past month. The concept completely leaves you when those doors at the airport open and you are frozen in place. But, your sheer desire to get out the cold keeps you moving, the ride continues and you go through orientation and you take a breath. You’ve got this, this is familiar, and better yet there are people just as freaked out here as you are, even those who are from here.

Then the semester starts, the chaos in reverse, the waits at the bus stations in the cold, the terror at the thought that you could fail, that all of this was a mistake, crap when will this program end, and then it does!

The ride ends, you survived, happy that you did it, stronger for it, it wasn’t that bad looking back now. The ride was worth it.